The importance of saying ‘no’

No-one likes to hear the word ‘no’. No to a pitch. No to an invitation. No to a job interview. But for my first article of 2025, I wanted to take a look at why saying no is one of the most powerful and beneficial things we can do for ourselves and others. 

Knowing when to say no is not about being mean spirited or unhelpful or unsupportive. Knowing when to say no is about recognising your limits and allowing yourself to give your time, energy and commitment fully to the things you say yes to.

I have found saying no helps me to focus on the work, opportunities, challenges and interests that I am already committed to, with my main role at SK and my other commitments in the education, charitable and sporting sectors.

It also presents time for me to help mentor younger people and give talks in schools and charities. In short, it allows me to really focus on the things that I commit to. 

It’s not because I’m not interested

When I say no to someone, I am not doing it because I’m not interested. I am typically saying no because I will only say yes to an opportunity that I can fully deliver on and where I can create the right time to do the task properly. It has taken me an age to work this out; it has been an important journey.

Also, when I say no, I try to say it either face to face or on the phone or by a voice note, just to be courteous.

There are many reasons why no is so hard to say

So, why do so few of us feel good about saying no? It might be that we don’t want to offend someone in that moment; maybe they pull at our emotional strings; maybe we’re a giver (or a people pleaser). Sometimes we believe that we are a better person, a kinder person if we say yes to everything that is asked of us. These are all commendable reasons. The reality is however, if you can’t say no, it will only be to your detriment and to the detriment of the people you say yes to. Ask yourself – can you really do a good job if you try to commit to everything?

What would it take for me to say yes?

That is not to say that I never say yes. I just believe that when I’m asked to do something for someone, I think it’s important to assess “What will it take for me to say yes?”

Taking on work tasks for the sake of it is not a reason for me. To please someone? Still not enough of a reason. These days, I have my own way of assessing whether I should say yes (more on this in my next article), something that I am quite strict with. Why? Because it’s important to recognise that if you take on a task that you’re not sure why you have taken on and maybe it starts to take up more time that you’d hoped or you’re not enjoying it, then it becomes a problem. It becomes a problem that can make you feel bad, guilty and even resentful. Worse still, you don’t tend to do it well under those circumstances….cue more feeling bad, guilty and resentful.

Feeling bad about yourself and for the person that you said yes to for a task that you were not even interested in doing is just a lose lose, lose situation. Nothing good can come of it. So, with this in mind, I’m encouraging you to take a moment here at the start of 2025 to think about giving yourself permission to say no. And I promise, you won’t regret it.